Well, it's been a while...September 3rd. That seems a lifetime ago now. In the past few posts I mentioned my mother and her neighbourhood of Champlain Park. That's because I was spending so much time with her. We all were - her kids and grandkids, as we could see her declining. Dad died in March of 2018. My five siblings and I started staying overnight about a month before he died because Mom was also very ill at that time. After he died we kept up our night-time presence, simply because we didn't want her to be alone. It seemed that 90 was not a good age to learn to live by yourself. As time went on and Mom's health gradually deteriorated, we kept up the vigil because we didn't want her to fall or have some kind of accident while on her own. So we kept up a dinner and sleepover schedule until she died, on September 29th.
It was a special time. Yes, it was a big commitment but it felt right to care for her, as she cared for us, all our lives. I am grateful to my supportive husband, who was very understanding, as Mom's needs increased. As you may have read, in my Corona music post of July 16th, there were some very special moments. I loved putting on the Herb Alpert albums for her, as we ate our breakfast. I enjoyed playing the old music and hymns on my childhood piano, as she lay in her hospital bed. Sitting on her front verandah with her, enjoying the warm days and having a visit with a friend was a real treat. Listening to stories of her youth was precious time spent together.
Of course this pandemic complicates everything. It certainly complicated our decisions about how to care for mom, how many people to have in the house, eating inside or outside etc. Mom's back porch and front verandah were well used this spring and summer for visits through the windows. Sometimes we shared meals, with Mom and one of us eating at an inside table while others kept their distance, eating at an outside table on the verandah. She was very grateful for the visits and for the gift of being able to live out her days in her own home. We were blessed to have a lovely family doctor (Farrah Issa) who made house calls!
In the end there were visiting nurses and it all got complicated with frequent medication changes and the rental of necessary medical equipment. Throughout it all we were the recipients of many acts of kindness. In Mom's obituary we mentioned her pharmacy, an unusual credit in an obit. That was because we were so appreciative of their understanding and kindness. Many times when I went to pick up Mom's medication the pharmacist (Badr), before handing me the prescription, would take the time to stop and say, "First, tell me, how is your mother doing?" Another pharmacist there, on a day when we were switching to a more powerful pain relief medication bothered to say, "She must be in a lot of pain. I'm so sorry." These were not big acts. They did not take much effort, but it's the first time I have ever had someone in a pharmacy express sympathy like that. It is just so touching when someone reaches out, with understanding and compassion.
I am especially grateful for my children and their families who called and visited mom regularly and supported me as best they could, both before and after mom died. It makes her loss more bearable, to have their love.
And that leads me to my excuse for not posting anything here before this. Since Mom's death we have all been overwhelmed with kindness. In the first 6 weeks after her death I received something every day - food, flowers, cards, texts, emails - all expressing care and concern. It took me a long while to even start to acknowledge those kind people. It didn't feel right to post anything in this space when I hadn't properly thanked the people who had bothered to reach out to me. Even now, there are still some kind emails that I would like to answer.
In both the reception of these kind messages and in my attempts to answer them, I feel Mom's presence. She was the kind of person who reached out to others, who dropped off a ham or other food to the grieving family, who sent a card. She was the person who taught us to thank people. It helps me, in my grieving, to write the cards, to call the people she cared about.
When Dad died, I remember that horrible Humbolt hockey team bus crash, happened on the day of his funeral. It made me think that our loss paled in comparison to what those families were going through. Although I miss Mom terribly, I feel a similar sensation now. There so many families with such great losses this year., There are families who certainly didn't get to have a mother as long as we did, who didn't get the chance to say goodbye, to be with her as she left us.
And so I am grateful, that we had such a wonderful mother for so long. I will write more about her later. There are so many things that could be said about her. Her obituary can be found here.
This was Mom, in the summer of 1981, holding our first child, Aaron.
