Screenagers

Last week I went to a screening of a great documentary - Screenagers. It was made by Delaney   Ruston, a doctor with teens of her own. Although the movie is aimed at families with teenagers, I went because the whole issue of screen time is one that concerns me.

This film is only available at community sponsored events. It was easy for me to attend, as it was showing at our kids' former school. I was happy to sit in the familiar auditorium and see that nearly all 700 seats were filled. This was quite an accomplishment. All those parents were concerned enough that they and their teens were out in force on a Wednesday night. How often do teenagers and their parents attend a movie together?

Screenagers is well worth seeing. It's not preachy but informative and entertaining. Here are some of the ideas mentioned in the film:

Self control is the main issue. How much self control do kids, teens, and adults exercise when it comes to screen time? How much are we all sucked into more, more, more?

On average, teenage boys play 11.5 hours of video games a week. They profiled one family where the son became totally addicted. He eventually went to Restart, a rehab centre for screen addiction. One concern with video games is the effect of repeated violence. Another is the fact that a sense of empathy is diminished with increased game time.

A new digital divide was explored. This is not the divide between those who have devices and those who don't. No, this new digital divide is about how devices are being used in homes of various economic status. In homes where parents are absent or too busy, kids are using all sorts of electronic devices with absolutely no supervision or adult guidance. In homes where parents have more time and education, their kids' online activities are being restricted and closely monitored. That monitoring makes all the difference. With screen time and everything else - kids will succeed if they have boundaries set by loving parents.

As in all aspects of parenting, easier said than done. In the movie, the doctor tried to impose a five page contract on her daughter when she got a new cell phone. It included important rules like no technology in the bedroom. (Lack of sleep in teens is a major issue.) By the end of the movie, the rules in the contract had been adjusted. Parents' rules always have a better chance of success if they are explained, discussed and justified by the parents.

Here's the catch with all the screen time rules a parent may want to set. How are kids going to follow any of these rules if parents themselves are constantly glued to their own devices? What kind of example are we all setting for our kids and grandchildren? The movie closed with a question meant for all of us, at any age - How can we maintain balance between our screen time and other activities, throughout the day?

For more information on Screenagers click here. If it plays at a school or community centre near you, it's well worth attending.

Costa Rica

After a couple of lovely weeks in Costa Rica, we're back in the land of ice and snow. It's been a long time since we had such a restful vacation. The warmth, the flowering trees and the ocean swims were all a wonderful reprieve from the dreariness of winter. It was our first time in Costa Rica and we enjoyed it as much as others had predicted.

The only hard part of the trip was the flight.  I was the guy sitting in the middle. As usual, I had difficulty with the buttons on my seat and never did get it reclined. The guy in front of me had no such trouble. He had his seat rammed back pretty well into my lap so I had a perfect view of his Major League Bow Hunter baseball cap. Now I'm not into hunting or shooting but I was not thinking pretty thoughts about him as I struggled to be comfortable for the five hours. It was such a tight fit that by 10:15 I had pain running down my right leg. I simply had to bother the person seated on the aisle and get up and walk every hour or so. If I could have stood for most of the flight I would have. However, the aisles are too narrow for that.

Our airline sent an email a few days before the flight, promoting their pre-flight meal sales. That would guarantee our first choice for meals so I decided it was a good idea. We left Toronto at 9:15 am, on a 5 hour flight to San Jose. At 9:45 our names were called and it was to deliver our meals! We had just eaten a breakfast sandwich at Tim Horton's in the Toronto airport so I squashed my ham and cheese sandwich into my carry-on bag, under the seat in front of me.

I had been looking forward to watching a movie to pass the time but there was nothing remotely interesting on and the satellite tv was unavailable. The most interesting channel was the one where you watch your plane fly across the map. Actually the best visual was looking out the window as we passed over the Florida Keys. Thank goodness for our books!

About noon I bent down and fished my warm sandwich (so glad I pre-ordered) from my bag. Space was so tight that when I bent down, my face was pretty well resting on my neighbour's knee.
As I chewed through my warm sandwich I thought back to airline travel of years ago. Flying was sort of glamourous then. People got dressed up to fly. There were real meals, good meals, served on real plates with real cutlery. I even remember being handed a hot wet facecloth to use after dinner! The only freebies on these flights  were a tiny bag with about eight corn chips in it and a glass of ginger ale.

Enough with the complaining already! One of the best aspects of our holiday was the people. Certainly the Costa Ricans were gracious and very hospitable. Our hosts at hotels and bed and breakfast places, the tour guides on hikes, the taxi drivers who could speak English, even the drivers who couldn't speak Engish - they were all eager to show off their country and to make us feel welcome and comfortable.

We weren't surprised by the warm welcome given by the Costa Ricans. Everyone had told us they would be great. A pleasant surprise was the fun we had meeting so many other travellers. In restaurants, on buses, on guided hikes and while sitting around at our last cosy hotel, we met folks from all over the world. For the most part they were pretty friendly. It was February, not March break, so travellers fell mostly into two age ranges: the twenty/thirty year olds and fellow seniors. Both groups were equally friendly. It didn't seem to matter to the young travellers that we were gray haired. We were all in the same boat and the questions were often similar:

Is this your first time in Costa Rica?
Where else have you travelled in Costa Rica?
What did you do there?
What do you recommend...for a place to stay, a place to eat, activities and guided hikes?

We all shared and traded information that was immensely helpful. Just as I don't appreciate it when people judge me by my gray hair, I need reminders myself, not to judge others by their appearance. I was thinking about that one day at the back of a bus, bumping along the roads in the mountainous Monteverde region. We were returning to the small town of Santa Elena after a morning spent at Selvatura Park. We had enjoyed a spectacular hanging bridges walk through the cloud forest, a guided tour of their butterfly garden and their hummingbird area as well.

We found ourselves sitting beside an elderly couple from the Netherlands and a young couple from St. Louis, Missouri. In another situation we might not have spoken with the young black man from Missouri. He and his partner had tattoos running up and down their arms, he wore a thick chain around his neck and a ball cap on backwards. But at that particular moment we were all in the same boat, or bus. We had all enjoyed a pretty wonderful place and the six of us had a fun conversation as we bumped along the horrendous road back into town. The young couple couldn't have been nicer and I gave myself a mental reminder not to judge people so hastily.

On our last Saturday in Costa Rica we signed up for a boat ride to look for dolphins and do some snorkelling. We did see some bottlenose dolphins and admired their synchronized swimming. We also saw a pair of mating olive ridley turtles.

However, the lasting impression that I have of that morning is the feeling of contentment among fellow travellers and gracious hosts. We were picked up at our hotel and as we clambered into the back of the truck and sat down on a bench we were introduced to our fellow participants. There were about a dozen of us - folks from Italy, France, Holland and the States. Our guide, Alex, hung on while standing at the back of the truck.

As we drove along the beach to meet our boat it just seemed like such a perfectly peaceful moment. No technology, no seatbelt, no jobs to do - just a bunch of people going for a boat ride on a beautiful summer day. When it was all over and we had handed in our snorkelling gear, we sat in the boat, dripping wet. These guys - the captain and the two guides, were not in a hurry to get rid of us. The music was turned on, drinks were passed around and Louis impressed us with his great fruit carving skills. We all sat there eagerly grabbing slices of fresh watermelon and pineapple, juice running down our faces.

And so we are back. We're so glad we had the opportunity to explore a new country, to unplug from everyday stress and to meet people from all over. My questions is - How can I bring any semblance of that feeling, of that relaxation, into my regular, day to day life?

Rally at the Ottawa Mosque

I have just walked home from The Ottawa Mosque with a full heart and stomach too. I didn't plan to eat at the demonstration. None of us did. In the last few days the word went out around the Champlain Park neighbourhood; Wouldn't it be nice, if people who lived near the Ottawa Mosque came out and simply stood quietly around the Mosque, as a sign of solidarity. The idea was to be there, to greet worshippers as they arrived at noon for Friday prayers.

And so a bunch of us gathered there, in the sunshine. It was quiet at first but then we all got talking to the people around us. Gradually the Muslims arrived. Some walked by quietly, perhaps taken aback by our presence. And then they started greeting us. A middle aged man walked all along the line shaking hands with each of us, thanking us for coming. It brought tears to my eyes. So many men and women came along the line: some smiling, some shaking our hands, some quiet and some saying "Thank you, thank you for coming, thank you for being here."  One woman was shaking hands without gloves. We said,"You'll get cold hands." and she replied, "That's okay. This is Canada." Another woman, after shaking many hands declared, "See. My hands are warm now!"
All we were doing was standing there but it obviously meant a lot to the people entering the Mosque. At one point a representative from the Mosque spoke to us, thanking us for coming and letting us know that we are always welcome to visit the mosque, that it was our place too.

And then the food started. We were surprised when two women came along passing out trays of cookies. Then it was a tray of dates. "Good", I thought. "This will tide me over til I get home for lunch." Little did I know that this was just the beginning. More women appeared with trays of pita bread, sandwiches  and more sweets. Next came a man pouring tiny cups of Turkish coffee.

And so our quiet dignified rally turned into a street party. There we were, neighbours greeting each other, meeting new people, exchanging food and handshakes with our Muslim hosts. Down the line I overheard someone say, "We should do this every Friday." People remarked that they have never been so well fed at a protest march before. "These people set the bar very high." another remarked.

After a while, from inside the Mosque, the loudspeaker played the sermon. We heard words of love, gratitude, tolerance and peace. So, are these the people I'm supposed to be afraid of? Really? These people who have welcomed me, joked with me, hugged and fed me? It's not them that I'm afraid of.

Thank you to everyone involved in today's gathering. It was a heart-warming event.

Ottawa Women's March

It's a week since women all over the world took part in marches. I wrote about the day in a piece which was posted on the Ottawa Citizen site yesterday. The turnout in Ottawa, as in other cities, was way more than anticipated. It seemed that people, of all ages, sexes and backgrounds were grateful to have some sort of manner in which to display their frustration, worry and anger over the recent U.S. election. It's hard to summarize their many reasons for marching. The mood was surprisingly upbeat as marchers enjoyed the large, spontaneous gathering and creative signs. Last week at my local community centre a neighbour came over and proudly whipped out her iPad to show me her photos of the Ottawa March. She's in her eighties. Here's a photo of my favourite sign from that day.

Streep's Golden Globe speech said it all

     

The Ottawa March ended at The Bronson Centre, site of my former high school.

Thank You Obama Family

Yes, I know...I'm a corny, sentimental person. Here is my humble offering, on inauguration day. It's the contents of a letter I sent to the Obama family last month.

 Dec 10, 2016

Dear Barack, Michelle, Malia and Sasha

As your time in the White House comes to an end I would like to thank you for your service over the past eight years. You may think that unusual, coming from a Canadian. Perhaps it can be explained by something that Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s father, Pierre, said many years ago: “ Living next to you is in some ways like sleeping with an elephant…. one is affected by every twitch and grunt.”

I’m a 63-year-old grandmother who has been interested in politics since high school - mostly Canadian, but also yours. I’ll never forget my grade 10 year. It was 1968, with the gigantic losses of Martin Luther King and Robert Kennedy. When I first child was born, my doctor told me he was going home to dig a bomb shelter in his backyard. That was November 4, 1980  - the day of Reagan’s election. We care what happens in your country.

Malia and Sasha, thank you for sharing your parents with all of us. Eight years is a long time to live in such a public environment. I hope that you have enjoyed lots of special perks while there. Michelle, thank you so much for all your hard work and tremendous example as a dedicated parent, champion of many worthwhile causes and public speaker . Your quote “When they go low, we go high” will live forever. I was fortunate to watch much of the Democratic National Convention last summer. Your speech and many of those speeches restored my faith in the goodness of the American people. You and your family are a class act.

President Obama, if only your time as president and Justin Trudeau’s time as Prime Minister had overlapped a bit longer. I think both of our countries might have benefitted from your relationship. I will never forget your inauguration and the joy and hope of that time. No, it didn’t all work out, but thank you for all that you have done and all that you tried to do. You have worked diligently and shown leadership in many areas like healthcare and environmental protection.

I’ve always enjoyed your speeches, both long and short. Your thoughtful, insightful calm manner is reassuring and inspiring. Your sense of humor has also been appreciated. In times of disaster and tragedy you’ve demonstrated great empathy to those who are suffering. You will be missed.

Many Canadians are great admirers of yours. Thanks for visiting Canada and speaking on Parliament Hill. You and your family are always welcome here. I wish you all a wonderful future as you embark on this next chapter of your family’s journey.

 With gratitude and admiration,

Mary Ellen Kot

#beccatoldmeto

(Updated on February 1st)

It has taken me a long time to get on the twitter bandwagon. Finally, I have taken the plunge and it's all because of a teenager in Riverview N.B. named Becca Schofield. This remarkable person, who has terminal brain cancer, has put a surprising item on her bucket list. She is asking people to perform acts of kindness in her honour and then post it to social media using #beccatoldmeto. I was so moved when I saw her story on January 14th. Watch it here on CTV .

The next morning at our church, in the children's homily, they were asked, "How will people know that you have Jesus in your heart? " Again the challenge, the lesson, to treat people with kindness and generosity.

It was a lovely coincidence. On the way home from church, in the car, we listened to an item called The Kindest Cut on CBC's The Sunday Edition. It's about a group called the Street Thug Barbers who give free haircuts to street people in Vancouver's Downtown Eastside. Again, it was inspiring to hear their story. I found this trio of kindness messages, in less than a day, to be a soothing way to start this historic (inauguration) week.

I like to think that I try to treat my family and friends with kindness, but how well do I treat the strangers who I encounter? If it makes a difference to Becca Schofield, if her knowing that some of us are thinking of her and being inspired by her, if that gives her joy, then let's do it. This world needs all the kindness it can get.

Keep Calm and Carry On

At last, I'm back. So many things to think and write about, especially this week. The inauguration is uppermost in so many minds, along with the fear of what may come. However, my mood started off better today, thanks to an interview I heard with Canada's outgoing U.S. ambassador, Bruce Heyman. He and all politically appointed ambassadors were forced to resign by inauguration day. Now you would think he would sound angry, bitter or fearful. Not this guy. His attitude was reminiscent of Obama's. He was calm, thoughtful and diplomatic. He did not stoop to criticism or negative language. He tried to reassure the listeners.

If he can behave in such a manner, then it's a good reminder for me to try and focus on the positives. We're hearing way more from the other direction. I am so grateful to have heard Obama's farewell address. It was a privilege for all of us to have the opportunity to listen to such an orator. My award for feistiness, wit and intelligence goes to Meryl Streep. Her  speech at The Golden Globes was truly inspirational. On with the struggle!