Christmas come and gone already

With Matt's funeral on Dec. 7th and then another celebration of his life in Peterborough on Dec 21st, our Christmas preparations were pretty rushed. In between those two events we came home, decorated, shopped and wrapped. Everything was simplified to save time and to reflect the basic fact that all the frills do not really matter. The only important thing was to be together.
Lucky me, no turkey to stuff; as usual we ate Christmas dinner at my parents' home.

As I wrote on Nov. 23rd. Alison Moyet said that " happiness occurs in minutes, suspended in pedestrian years."  And so, during this Christmas, I enjoyed a series of sweet moments, often at unexpected times.  I remember thinking about that, while lying on the couch. It wasn't one of those planned out moments like the opening of the presents or sitting down together for an elaborate meal. It was just me lying on a couch, listening to all the sounds of my family...people cooking, chatting, consulting on a crossword puzzle, laughing while playing cards, playing with the baby, playing the piano.  It was very ordinary and yet quite perfect.

From the other photo you might have the impression that we really are on top of things. However, this is really what our living room looked like for most of the time the kids were around. I'm fine with the furniture out of place and the Ikea tunnel in the middle of it all..it was a happy kind of chaos. Looks like our angel had a bit too much to drink.

The New Years Grinch

You would think that after all the goodies I have consumed over the holiday period I would be feeling fat and jolly but no, just fat! Still grouchy after all these years. It does seem a shame that my first letter to the editor for 2014 is me complaining again but, I could not resist. With the incredible cold and snow that winter has delivered so far, I thought it wise to link these conditions to the many proposed buildings in our downtown core. Planners simply do not take this amount of snow and/or cold into consideration when they draft these new developments. Anyhow this letter is in today's Ottawa Citizen.

So, welcome to winter in Ottawa! Ever since November it has felt like mid winter. The city was forced to start their snow removal program early because we have received so much snow. Frigid conditions have been hazardous. Have Mayor Watson, city councillors and our planning committee noticed the weather?

 

Whenever I attend meetings about proposed infill houses or massive condos, the draft pictures are always set in summer scenes. There are benches, flowers, blue skies and scraggly new trees. When you talk to city officials, staff or councillors and dare to ask where people will drive or park you are sometimes made to feel like a dinosaur. Driving is the new smoking! 

 

City officials claim that the residents they are cramming into my West Wellington neighbourhood and all downtown areas, will not come with cars. They will jog to work, bike to the grocery store, walk to their gym and do yoga on the benches outside their condos...year round! Hardly anyone will drive anymore. We will take public transit, not cars.

 

I do take buses and think our transitway works well. I look forward to the light rail system and will be happy to use it. However, I will not sell my car. I will still drive many places. I will bike when I can, but I will never bike from November to April. I will not attempt to walk down a sidewalk when it is covered in ice. This is Ottawa folks. 

 

You can't prevent these new residents from bringing their cars with them. The traffic in our section of the city is already crazy. Don't attempt to drive Byron Avenue during evening rush hour. Parkdale is impossible at any time. We can only imagine the permanent gridlock from morning to night once all the new condos are completed. And these new houses which are sprouting up like mushrooms; the ones with no yards, no grass, no living things anywhere? Where do you think they are shovelling their snow? They have no front yards to put it on, so it is going on the snowbanks and streets; another reason for the early snow removal.

 

Next time I attend one of those planning meetings I'm going to ask for the mid winter version of their drawings.

The snowbanks on our block

  

To Everything there is a season

Where to begin? It has been said that bad things happen in threes. If so, perhaps we are finished with death for a while. In September Pat's aunt died. Verna was the last remaining sister of Pat's mom, Rita.  Although very frail for a long time, she was sweet and had her sense of humour right to the end.

In late October we were shocked to learn that our brother- in- law, Gale, had died. He was only 67. Gale was the father of three and husband of Pat's sister Janice. Once again we were in Peterborough to attend his funeral and try to help our nieces, nephew and Pat's mom cope with this huge loss. Gale is mourned not only by our family but by his many patients.

As sad as these deaths have been, it is this third one that has hit us the hardest. Our world simply stopped and shifted dramatically three weeks ago, when Pat's brother, Matthew died unexpectedly while on holiday in California. Matt hated winter, so every year around this time, when the days are so short and dark he would get laid off from his job and head south. He would usually stop in California to visit his cousins before going to Guatemala for a few months. In March or April he'd make his way home, resume work and take up residence again at his cabin in Douro, outside Peterborough. His home was known by many names, most often Windswept Meadows or Shaughnessy Research Labs.

Matt arrived at his cousin Peggy's about noon on November 26th, just before American Thanksgiving.  Once there he soon collapsed and although family and paramedics worked on him, they were unable to save him. It was hypertensive cardiovascular disease. Matt was only sixty but had high blood pressure, high cholesteral and diabetes.

We are comforted by the fact that Matt died with Peggy and her family, in their home, where he was very much loved. Being able to speak with them, as we dealt with his out of country death, has made the whole process more bearable. We will always be grateful to them for the loving care they gave Matt.

Matt was quite a guy; a unique character. Over these past three weeks there have been countless tributes written on Facebook and many heartwarming stories told at his funeral. He has been described as rambunctious, larger than life, a man of many amusing titles. Peterborough Examiner writer Ed Arnold wrote this special tribute.

In the days ahead I will share more about this whole experience. It is like we were in a time bubble for  two weeks and then gradually emerged back into the real world.  I have nothing earth shattering to add to the literature on the subject of life and death. For now I will simply suggest the usual: that we all cherish life, make the most of our days, create good memories and nourish our relationships.

Words of Wisdom from Q

Perhaps I should re-title my blog the CBC fan club? For today I'd like to post a letter which I sent to the radio program Q. I thought it was a particularly good radio day. Too bad I was not near a radio when Jian interviewed Joe Clark. I'll have to listen to that. In my ideal life I will have all kinds of time to sit around and listen to all the great radio I have missed. I suppose I should break down and get an ipod or some such device. Can my small brain learn to operate yet one more electronic gadget?

Anyhow, the letter:

Although I am a huge CBC fan, I must confess that there are some days I think that maybe I’m a bit old  to be listening to some of the items on the radio. After all, many of the musical guests I’ve never even heard of. Yesterday, (Wed. Nov. 20) when I knew I had a big baking/cooking morning ahead of me, I hoped that there were some guests I would really enjoy. I was not disappointed. As is often the case with CBC, even when I am not familiar with the guest, I really enjoy the interview.

Such was the case with Alison Moyet, a U.K. singer. Sorry to say but I had never heard of her. At first I was only half listening but then I became engaged as she spoke of her battles with the music industry and I realized that I was listening to a person of real integrity. As a feminist, who is constantly disappointed with the appearance of young female singers and their young fans, I often feel ancient…like I am not with the program. I felt better yesterday when Moyet too, expressed her concerns when she sees young female singers “more and more undressed.”  “I despair for them.” she said. Moyet hates the examples they set for her daughters.

But it was at the conclusion of the interview, when Moyet was discussing the meaning of her new work, The Minutes, that I really felt like I was listening to a very wise person. She spoke of happiness, our eternal quest. “These glorious times, they only happen in minutes that are suspended in pedestrian years.” She spoke of being in “a great place, middle age, when you are happier to follow your own moral compass.” Although she is a very successful artist, she acknowledged that, ”We are all struggling to find our way.” She is satisfied and feels that “it really is alright that our joy only happens in minutes and we should be grateful for them.” I found those statements to be profound.

Her interview was followed by Torquil Campbell’s rant. Again I was moved by what I heard. He started by declaring this to be a sad time in our country, leaving us all feeling cynical and exhausted. He urged us all to turn away from the cult of celebrity. He advised us to get to know our neighbours, to re acquaint with old friends, to look for our heroes in those around us rather than those in the media. Again, what words of wisdom!

His advice seems to echo The National’s nightly segment, Only in Canada. Kudos to whoever thought that item up. Not only is it interesting to learn of the accomplishments of these Canadians; it’s a chance to celebrate the gifts of people that we usually never hear about. It’s a positive way to end our days.

As usual, thanks CBC. You’re the best!

Toronto's Bully

On the one hand, there is little left to be written about Rob Ford. Hasn't it already been said? On the other hand, I think that he will be written about for years. He is the perfect example for anyone writing about addiction, mental health, bullying, abuse, city governance...just to name a few issues.

I humbly offer a few observations:

Hopefully this whole sorry episode is a wake up call for municipalities across the country to put in place legislation that would provide a mechanism to easily remove a mayor or other elected officials in these circumstances. As Conservative cabinet minister Jason Kenny stated today,"Ford has brought dishonour to elected office." Shouldn't there be a basic code of conduct that elected officials have to follow? Even high schools have codes of conduct these days. If a thirteen year old has to follow certain rules, why not the mayor of Canada's biggest city?

Speaking of thirteen year olds, it is just plain sad that we are all being subjected to such incredibly rude behaviour, especially our youth. This is truly a terrible way to learn the way of grown ups. It was heartening to see the brief interviews done on CBC's the National last week with a few teens. The young kids there, all seemed to recognize that Ford is being totally inappropriate.

However, that was only a very small number of kids. What about Ford's loyal fans? What about the thousands of people across the Greater Toronto Area  ("Ford Nation") who still believe he should be mayor? I was astounded that so many people voted for him in the last election but now I find it downright scary that so many people still think this rude, offensive bully has any place in public life. What do the children and teens in those homes believe?

This morning on CBC radio's Q, Jian Gomeshi interviewed Mariel Hemingway. At one point, when describing her life as a teenager, she stated that she routinely cleaned up her family's dining room after her parents' violent, drunken dinners. She thought little of it at the time. It was simply her reality and she did not realize how far from normal her family life was. Likewise Rob Ford. He has repeatedly said that everyone has problems, that everyone has a few drinks then drives. Last night in the interview with Peter Mansbridge, he talked about blacking out when he was drunk and the way he spoke, "you know, when you black out," it was as if he wanted  Mansbridge to agree, that was the way it was with him too. Drinking, extreme inebriation, has been such a routine part of Ford's life, that he thinks drinking is that big a part of most people's lives. He simply does not recognize that his drinking and many of his other outrageous behaviours are serious problems.

Yesterday's council meeting was unreal. Thank goodness  the local school boards have cancelled school trips to city hall. The yelling was bad enough but the sight of Ford running around the room, totally out of control, going to back up his brother was like watching a really bad reality show. I think of all the anti bullying programs out there and children constantly being told to tell someone in authority if they are being bullied. Here we had a scene straight from a school yard with a bully in charge of the whole place!  

There have been so many negative incidents over the past year and just in the past week, but the saddest sight of all was his poor wife standing beside him at his news conference, with her head hung low. This was not a typical policitial wife, "I'm going to stand by my man"photo, like Hilary Clinton. No, this was someone who had been forced to be there, who could not bring herself to look up, who looked like she wanted to run. If this man says what he says, and does what he does in public, what does he do and say in the privacy of his own home?

For her sake and for all of us, I hope this ends soon.

Birthdays

Today is my son Aaron's birthday! He is the wonderful guy who is responsible for our new verandah that I wrote about in the summer. Of course birthdays are for the birthday people but they are also a day for parents. Lives are changed forever with the birth of a first child.

Aaron might have been born the day before; that's when I was induced. My doctor, a very short man, climbed up onto a little stool and poked me with an instrument that looked like a knitting needle. "There", he pronounced. "That should do the trick. I'm going home now, to start digging a bomb shelter in my back yard." It was the day that Ronald Reagan was elected president of the U.S.

We spent the better part of the morning arguing with one of the nurses about my last name. She declared that there was no way that she could bring a baby to me that did not have the same last name on his bracelet as mine. My identification bracelet was changed three times. At one point, she enquired, "This Knott that you go by...is that your stage name?" Pat confirmed that I was indeed, a Broadway actor.

Later we walked the halls in a circle, trying to encourage labour. Every time we passed the corner room, the woman inside was yelling "Hey!" So every time he heard that, Pat would follow with "Jude." It was a long day.

Of course it all ended in the delivery room with Pat and a team of medical folks. As they all encouraged me to "push, push push", I felt like we were at a football game and I was the only guy on the team.

Yes, that day changes you forever. Happy Birthday Aaron. I love you!

High school reunion

I am sounding like a broken record but, again, sorry for the lack of contact. Real life has a way of getting in the way of my writing life. One recent event was my husband's high school reunion. When such events are organized there are a variety of reactions. Many folks have no desire to see anyone from that period of their lives. Others, such as the organizing committee at St. Pete's in Peterborough, work for a year because it is so important to them. I was so impressed with their effort  that I sent them this letter.

1965  A group of grade nines

Thanks for the Memories

I didn’t attend St. Peters High School. However, on Friday, October 11^th, there I was, along with about a thousand other people, crowding into the current building on Medical Drive as St. Pete’s celebrated its 100^th anniversary. I was there with my husband, Patrick and my mother in law, Rita. Pat attended St Pete’s from 1965 to 1970.

When we arrived from Ottawa on Friday afternoon, Rita expressed misgivings about attending the event. At eighty-eight, she didn’t think she would know many there. We convinced her to come along and it took her all of three seconds to meet someone she knew. I turned around and there she was, hugging an old friend. The entire evening went that way. It was virtually impossible to go more than five feet in the main foyer without her meeting yet another relative, friend or neighbour. Although I did not attend St Pete's, it gave me great pleasure to simply witness her and Pat’s enjoyment of the entire evening. When we told Rita that there was a pub at St. Anne’s parish hall, starting at ten pm, she needed no convincing, so off we went for more socializing.

The sentiment expressed over and over again that weekend was that this reunion at St Peters was simply a wonderful opportunity to visit with people that you might not have seen for a long time and may never see again. While we were in the sixties room, taking in the displays and listening to the great singing, someone looked around at the crowd and remarked that in twenty-five years, most of the people in that room would be dead. Sad but true; life is fleeting. Why not take any chance we have to visit at a celebration, rather than at a funeral home?

I never expected to see anyone from my past at St Pete's. After all, I grew up in Ottawa. What a happy surprise to see Jim and Sharon O. there! Although Pat originally knew them from Peterborough, I remember them as the wonderful couple who befriended us when we lived in Exeter, Ontario in the 70’s.

So, to the organizers who worked for a year to put together this reunion weekend, thank you. The level of organization was very impressive. The parking lot attendants, the current high school student volunteers, the welcoming area, the refreshments, the outstanding displays in the foyer and decade rooms...these all contributed to our enjoyment. Of course the two-sided name tags, complete with graduation dates, were very handy as folks with faulty memories looked first at the face before glancing down to the name tag for confirmation. There were athletic events on Saturday afternoon, a mass in the morning and a dance to finish it all off. I can’t imagine how many hours of work went into such a massive celebration.

The success of such an event can be measured in many ways: by the number of people who had pre-registered by Friday night, by the number of walk in registrations at the door, or by the number of people who attended the various events. In my view the success of the St Pete’s reunion is best measured by the smiles of recognition, the heartfelt hugs, and the long conversations as people reminisced. Perhaps Rita said it best when she pronounced it one of the best events ever held in Peterborough. I’ll always remember the end of the dance and the three of us dancing together, while singing along enthusiastically to  “Wasn’t that a party?!”  Thank you to the organizing committee for the happiness and new memories that you created for so many people.

"A white sports coat, and a pink carnation"  One of the many displays at the reunion!